WHAT CAME FIRST? DA CHICKEN, OR DA EGG?
by DopeyTheChosen1
Summary: Yet again, Eiko and Zidane set out to solve another mystery. rated for language. THERE! FINALLY DONE! CAN'T BELIEVE IT TOOK SO LONG! CHAPTER ONE OF THIRD BOOK ALMOST READY! R&R!
1. Squall can talk to eggs?

Disclaimer: I still own nothing but the plot, chickens, and eggs. -DORK- is my spacer

-DORK-

When Zidane came to, he was lying in the middle of the floor. "That's weird," He sat up. "Last time I checked I was in my birdhouse."

"Are you alright, Zin-kun?" Eiko leaned over him, making him jump.

"Don't scare me like that!" Zidane yelled, standing up again. "Now, come on, we have work to do."

"Work? Can't we take a day off? We just solved one of life's mysteries!"

"Eiko, Justice never rests!"

"We aren't justice."

"So? The point is that we don't rest until this next question has been solved." Zidane went out of the room.

Eiko followed, asking, "What question?"

"What came first? The chicken, or the egg?" Zidane yelled back to her.

"Oh, great." Eiko crossed her arms, "Another one of Irvine's questions."

"Yup!" Zidane smiled. "And guess what we are going to do first! Interview eggs!"

"Huh?"

"You heard me! Now meet me by Raine's chicken house with the video camera, I'll get the rest of the props."

"Props?" But Zidane was already gone.

-DORK-

At exactly eight in the morning, Zidane and Eiko met at Raine's chicken house, just as planned. Eiko brought the camers, just as planned. Zidane brought the microphone and such, just as planned. They obtained an egg, just as planned. The egg didn't want to talk to them so early in the morning so they had to wait, not just as planned.

"Eikooooo," Zidane whined, "How much longer now?"

"Hush up you baby," Eiko spat, "It's only been about three minutes since you found out that the egg was dead, or asleep, or both. What ever! We hafta' wait until the egg wakes up!"

"When does the egg wake up?" Zidane asked the egg, holding the microphone out to it.

It went something like this:

Zidane: "Mr. Egg, can you tell me what came first?" He was talking into the microphone and Eiko was filming it. "You, or the chicken?"

Egg: Zidane held the microphone in front of it. "…"

"UH…" Zidane dropped the microphone, "It's no use! We need some one who's familiar with eggs and chickens and chicken crap and such shit."

"I thought crap was shit."

"It is! I'm just sayin' we need a farmer or something." Zidane began pacing like he always does when he's thinking. Finally, after what seemed like the whole day, he said, "I know! I know who we can ask, that one KFC guy! He knows lots about chickens."

"Right, cooking them and eating them!" Eiko pouted, "Any one else, other than him and Raine?"

"Why not Raine?"

"She doesn't want anything to do with this, she called me this morning."

"Wow." Zidane rolled his eyes, "Eiko knows how to work a phone."

"Oh, shut up! How do you know? Maybe Squall call … ed … I know who can help us … S-"

"Don't tell me! Don't tell me!" Zidane interrupted, "Santa Claus!"

"No, Squall, Raine can talk to chickens, and he's her kid, right?" Zidane nodded. "So it would only make sense if Squall could talk to eggs!" She began rummaging around in Zidane's backpack, "You brought my notetakingboardthatisstapledtotheclipboardboard, didn't you?"

"Uh, maybe, Irvine packed for me. I think that the only thing in there is his playboy magazines."

"Ew. I really don't know why you hang out with him."

"Whatever, let's go find Seifer."

"Squall."

"Whatever."

"Hey, Squall," Eiko asked with her most innocent voice, "Can you put this egg to your ear and ask it what came first?"

"What?" Squall looked up from where he was cleaning his gunblade. "Ask that egg a question?"

"Yeah, well, see your mom can talk to chickens, right? So me and Zin-kun thought it was only reasonable that you could talk to eggs, you're her kid and all." Eiko handed him the egg, and took out her notetakingboardthatisstapledtotheclipboardboard.

"Uh." Squall held the egg to his ear, "It says… It says…"

'This is it,' Eiko thought, 'so close now.'

And, as usual, something happened. Loz came in out of no where in particular, took one look at the egg, and thought, "Oh good, lunch."

Well, he ate the egg and then Eiko killed him in her fury, damaging Squall as well.

"GOD DAMMIT! WHAT IS IT WITH YOU NUMBER SEVEN PEOPLE, ALWAYS RUINING IT FOR US?"

"Okay, I have another egg," Squall said, after Loz was gone, "And it says …"

'This is it,' Eiko thought, 'Moment of Truth number two.'

-DORK-

BYE!


	2. The Great Doctor Odine! not

diclaimer: i own nothing but the plot (Bush bought the chickens)

"And it says," Squall listened a moment longer. "It says, 'How the hell should I know?'"

"That's it?" Eiko asked. "Damn it."

"Sorry," Squall said, and fed the egg to his pet salamander, who he called Mr. Tinkerbell. Okay, so maybe it wasn't his salamander, it was Selphie's, but he had gotten attached to it during the time he spent in her body, so he took care of it.

"HAVE YOU NO SHAME? FEEDING THE GUY WHO YOU JUST HAD A CONVERSATION WITH TO YOUR PET? YOU SICKO!" Eiko screamed and ran out of the door.

"What?"

"So," Zidane asked when Eiko showed up. "It didn't work?"

"No." Eiko said. "What we need is a machine that knows all of the answers."

"So, you need a machine zat knows zall of zi answerz?" The two looked up to see no other than the crazy guy with the insane brain, Odine.

"Yeah …" Zidane said, "You help? And no experiments on us this time!"

"Awww…" Odine tossed the tranquilizer he had been hiding behind his back over the wall. "Oh vell, come come."

-DORK-

"So, this is gonna' help us?" Eiko said, looking at the machine that was no larger than her eye.

"Yah." Odine said. "Ask zit a queztion."

"Sure, yo', computer, what came first," her eyes narrowed. "The chicken, or the egg?"

-What came first? Let's see, what came first, hmm… I'll have to think on that one … I know! The answer is…-

"Yes?" Zidane's eyes widened, so did Eiko's.

-Is … forty-two. Which is the answer to all of life's mysteries. And the meaning of life as well… … …-

There was a long pause.

Then the machine said –just joking. I have no idea. Ask Loire.- Before exploding, which sent Eiko into howls of pain and frustration, remember, she was holding it.

"DAMMIT ALL! ODINE! CAN'T YOU MAKE ANYTHING USEFUL?"

"Um, no, no, zat ziz not pozzible." Odine said before running off (can the guy run…?).

"So much for the 'Great Doctor Odine'." Zidane muttered.

"Yeah." And the two sat down to think again.

So, that's pretty much it.

-DORK-

SIDE STORY!

This is a little think that me and my buddy's made up at lunch yesterday!

Okay, all of these guys are fighting over the Declaration of Independence or some really historic document, and none of them can get their hands on it because they are too busy fighting eachother. So the Declaration is just sitting there, when Zidane drops out of the ceiling on one of them spy wire things and grabs it, goes up a few yards, takes out some crayons, and begins doodling. Pretty soon, he says, "Potty Break!" And takes a crap, which lands on the fighters' heads and uses the Declaration to wipe his ass.

One of the fighters looks up and says. "Gimme' that!" Not noticing that it had crap smeared all over it.

Zidane says, "Okay, dokay!" And hands it to the guy, who tosses it at another guy, who tosses it at another guy, who tosses it at another guy, and so on, while Zidane escapes and the cops blame the other dudes for everything.

FuNnY? I didn't think so, oh well. Bye!

ANd guess what? i finally got out of the God damned Fossil Roo! mahahahahahahahahahaha! and now i finally got onto disk three! eat my shorts janet! hahahaha! and i finally got eiko (this story was based on what i had heard about her and stuff) so future stories should be better. I changed my name to Dopey girl, so in older stories "Kitera" is me. Bye!


	3. How could KFC miss that one?

OH MY FRICKIN' GOD! I CAN NOT BELIEVE I DIDN'T FINISH THIS! Thank You Wild Fantasy, for getting my ass in gear! I completely for got about this story, it was so old and no one was reviewing! I KNOW THERE ARE SOME OF YOU OUT THERE WHO READ THIS AND DON'T REVIEW...IF YOU DON'T REVIEW THIS TIME... I WON'T LOVE YOU FOREVER! But if you do I will!!

-0-

Holly wack! I did that on accident! That's swopper! But I'm such a lazy ginker that I won't go to all the trouble to underline my spacers.

-0-

"Got any ideas yet?" Eiko asked. The two had been sitting there for quite awhile now.

"Do you?" Zidane countered.

"No."

"No."

"I said no." Eiko snapped.

"So did I." Zidane countered again.

"This isn't a contest, dill head."

"I ain't a dill head. Irvine's the dill head!" Zidane was about to go on about the difference between a dill head and a bumbass when Loz walked by. "There! That's a dumbass!"

Loz didn't look up. He was doubled over, clutching his stomach. "Oh…that stupid egg made me sick." Suddenly, his eyes got wide, he fell back, his stomach began bulging and…the egg popped out. "Damn." Loz died. How many people have died in this series so far anyway?"

"Freedom at last!" The egg announced.

"Hey!" Zidane picked up the egg. "You can talk." He was holding it by the smaller end, up in the air.

"Hey! I don't like to be man handled!" The egg shouted defiantly. But Zidane didn't pay any attention to it, do to its squeaky little voice. "Put me down or I'll shoot you in your dad gum eye!"

"You don't make a very convincing 'Geddiya'," Eiko said, rolling her eyes. "Tell you what, Zidane will let you go once you answer our question. What came first, the ch—"

"Yeah yeah yeah." The egg interrupted. "You humans…er, well, humans HAVE been asking that question since the beginning of time." The egg would have rolled its eyes, if it had any. "The answer is 42."

"What? But that's what Odine's crazy machine said." Eiko said, slapping Zidane who was trying to cut through the egg's shell with a pipe-cleaner.

"No wonder you made Loz sick, he didn't take off your shell! I'll do it for him." Zidane offered.

"No!" The egg wiggled away. "If you do that, all my juicy innards will fall out and splash on you!"

"Oh, we certainly can't have that!" Eiko said. "My shoes are brand new!" (does she even wear shoes?)

"Yeah, and on top of that, the egg will die." Zidane agreed.

"My shoes are more important."

"No they're not."

"Yes they are."

"Nu uh."

"Uh huh."

"Nope."

"Yup."

"NI!"

"IT!"

"AGH!"

"IT IT IT!"

"Okay okay okay!" Zidane shrugged. "Your stupid shoes are more important."

"Thank you. Now, Mr. Egg, can you tell us why you said 42?"

"It's my lucky number. And besides that it can never be a wrong answer." The egg explained. "Now, will you let me go?"

"What. Came. First. The. Chicken. Or. The. Egg?" Eiko asked through gritted teeth.

"Uh…Cloud knows." The egg said.

"Really?" Zidane's eyes brightened. He chucked the egg over his shoulder. "Well, let's go find unicorn hair…boy…thing…" He laughed like a moron when he heard the egg smash on the ground.

"yes…let's…" Eiko's eyes flashed angrily. "You are such a dip head. If I didn't love you so much I'd beat the crap out of you."

"you can do that any way." Zidane offered. Then he realized what he just said. "I, uh…I retract my earlier statement."

"Too late." Eiko said.

-0-

"So…" Cloud looked up from paperwork he was pretending to do so he wouldn't have to help Tifa do God knows what. "The egg told you I can answer your question?"

"Uh huh." Zidane nodded. He kept on nodding…and nodding…and pretty soon his head popped off and rolled away. "Ow!" It yelled when it hit the floor. "Damn it! Wahhhhh!" The head began crying uncontrollably as the body began searching for it.

Eiko and Cloud ignored that though, they were used to it.

"So, what came first, the chicken or the egg?" Eiko asked, taking notes on how cute Zin-kun was when he was being stupid on her notetakingboardthatisstapledtotheclipboardboard.

Cloud leaned back in his chair, his eyes closed. After a few minutes of thought, and repeated crashing as Zidane's headless body ran into the wall trying to get out, the spiky haird ex-Soldier said. "Neither. The first thing that came was a turkey. It mated with a…chicken, no, a salamander. Then the salamander mated with…a…what? A catipillar? Whatever, then the catipillar mated with a bluebird, which produced an egg which hatched into a chicken." He opened his eyes. "So I guess you can say that the egg came first."

"How do you know that?" Zidane's head had found its way into Cloud's lap. It was looking up at him in awe.

"My ancestors told me so." Cloud nodded.

"Your ancestors?" Eiko put seven and three together. "That means…you're a…chicken?"

Cloud nodded. "What, did you think my hair was hair? This spike is just a big, long, feather! HAHAHA—" the hahahaing changed to brawkbrawkbrawking "—BRAWKBRAWKBRAWK!...BRAWK!"

O.o;Eiko

: pZidane

"WHAT THE HELL!?" The three, well, including Zidane's body it was four, turned to see Kadaj in the doorway. "LOZ! YAZOO! THIS IS THE BIGGEST DAMN CHICKEN I'VE EVER SEEN! COME ON! LET'S TAKE IT DOWN!" Then, without waiting for his brothers, he tackled Cloud, who pecked him on the top of his head. Cloud cringed and grabbed his nose. Kadaf winced and held his head. "That's a frickin' sharp beak!"

"That's a friggin sharp head!" Cloud countered, he was sprouting feathers now, and sorta' looked like a chocobo.

"Are you calling me a pinhead!?"

"AM I!?"

Then Loz and Yazoo came in and together the three ate Cloud. "Hm…taste like chicken." Loz announced. "Kinda' like Teriyaki, though."

"You mean," Yazoo snapped, "Teriyukki." He shook his head. "I don't like teriyaki."

"Well, now what?" Eiko asked Zidane, who had gotten his head back on…though it was all twisted around.

"Now, we go report to Irvine…" Zidane said.

-0-

Well, there you go. I plan on one more chapter, but first I need another question. It has to be a slightly stupid one, though, and you need to let me know, soon. So please review!

-0-

And 'swopper' and 'ginker' are words from Andy, a half insane (or so we think) fifteen year old from my story 'Roke' that I plan on putting on Fictionpress when it's done.

See you soon!

-0-

Sorry, no side story today. Have you read a final fantasy weekend, Wild Fantasy?

That one's sort of like 'Powerless Night', though it has an unlikely hero…


	4. Blame it on ND

CHAPTER…WHAT IS IT? FOUR?

-0-

Zidane and Eiko had just finished reporting there answers to Irvine, who, unknown to them, was asleep. He snored loudly, and Zidane asked him for another question. Irvine snored again.

"What do you suppose it means?" Eiko asked her partner. "That snoring sound?"

"I don't know." Zidane began pacing. "But we need another question in order to make this thing a trilogy."

"What thing?"

"Well, you know how a trilogy is three books?"

"Yeah…"

"And we have answered two questions so far?"

"Uh-huuuuh…"

"Well, if we have on more, we can make it all a trilogy!" Zidane smiled proudly. "Now tell me I don't know anything."

"You don't know anything."

"I didn't mean it."

Irvine decided to roll over in his sleep, hit the TV remote, and turn on the DVD player. It was just at this time when Zidane asked him for another chicken question.

Irvine snored again, than yawned in his sleep. As he opened him mouth, this was heard from the TV speakers: "Do the chickens have large talons?"

"Do the chickens have large talons?" Zidane repeated. "Okay, we will solve this question."

"Uh, Zidane?" Eiko pointed to the screen. "That wasn't Irvine talking, that was the TV."

"So? This is a question that must be answered!" Zidane ran out of the room (just so you know, he was still wearing the pink suit), laughing maniacally.

"Oh my." Eiko sighed, clutching her head. "Here we go again."

-0-

Sorry, short chapter, but what the heck, does it matter?

-0-

See you in the final book in the Chicken Questions Trilogy.

-0-

Ideas for the next book welcome!

-0-


End file.
